15
Dad was gone.
Snuffles remained, and all of Dad's notebooks, but I couldn't feel any trace of him. No more radiating cold. No sparks. Just a dusty old bear and a lot of yellowing pages filled with Dad's still-familiar scrawl.
I wanted to ask Doris if she could—I don't know—sense him somehow, but she remained in her spaceship. Even when I held my left wrist up to my face and shook it, causing the charms and chain of the bracelet to dance around.
Clearly, I still didn't understand much about ghosts.
"What are you doing?" Nicole asked.
"Exposing my ignorance," I said, and let my hand drop back to my lap.
We were in Donnie's office—Mom's office now, I guess. I sat in the oversized chair at the oversized desk, the cuffs of my long sleeves once again pulled to cover my wrists, with Snuffles and Dad's notebooks fanned out on the blotter. Nicole stood to my right, her left hand on the back of the chair, looking at me with combined curiosity, amusement, and affection—and still more than a hint of the dazed amazement that had been on her face when she had asked, a few minutes earlier, "Did I really just see a ghost?"
Nicole stepped to the side as I spun the chair to face Mom. She had stayed back, near the office door. She had been hanging back ever since we disentangled. Giving me more space than I probably needed. But still staying close. And managing to hover without seeming to hover. Her hair was disheveled, and her eyes were still puffy, but she was standing straighter. She looked less ... haunted.
We looked into each other's eyes for a long few seconds, and I said it aloud this time, to make it real, "He's ... gone. I ... I don't know where, or really how, but ..." I couldn't say it again, but Mom nodded as if I had.
"Was that his ‘unfinished business?’” Nicole asked. "He really wanted you to have that bear?"
I looked at her sideways. "I still don't think that's how it works."
"Or maybe," she went on, "he wanted you guys to hug it out. I mean, how long had it been?"
I continued to look at her sideways but said nothing. I certainly didn't say, Over nine years. I knew. Nicole knew. Mom knew.
"Fine, none of my business." Nicole looked at the desk, then back at me. "Are you going to give the bear to Nicky Junior? She would—"
"No," I said. "She got the T-Rex t-shirt and she gets the Barbie. I'm keeping the bear." I added, smiling, "My dad gave it to me." Then I turned back to Mom. I felt my smile falter. There was so much to say, and I didn't know how to say it. "I'm flying back tomorrow morning—"
Mom said, "Honey—"
I held up my hand to interrupt her interruption. "I'm flying back tomorrow morning, but ..." I hesitated, because sometimes simple things can be incredibly hard. "But there's still tonight. If you want. We can ... eat ..." I looked down at my hands in my lap, then back up at Mom. "We can talk."
I waited, because this was unscripted territory. I had no idea what I might be letting myself in for. I had no idea what she would say.
Mom also seemed hesitant, but she smiled. "I would like that. I'll call Marta and tell her to pick up something."
Behind me, I heard Nicole whisper, "Yes!"
"First, though," I said, "I'm going to take all this out to the truck. And I need to check in on someone."
I gathered the notebooks and Snuffles into a box Mom handed me, borrowed Nicole's key fob, and took the box to the truck.
As soon as I stepped outside the front door, Doris appeared. She wore the same orange floral print shorts and sleeveless top as when I had first seen her, but it looked rumpled. Her blonde hair was in disarray. She blinked her eyes at me, as if the waning sunlight was too bright.
I asked, "What happened to you?"
"I ... I'm not sure. It was like being grabbed and stuffed into a closet much too small for me. I wonder if that's how Jeanie felt every time Major Nelson forced her back into her bottle." She finger-brushed her hair back into perfect straightness and smoothed her clothes with a single swipe of her hands. "But I guess I'm OK."
"Good." I unlocked the truck and put the box in the back seat, between the booster seats.
When I closed the door of the truck and turned around, she was standing there, peering into my eyes. Her gaze was steady and unthreatening, completely unlike Dad's had been. "What about you?" she asked.
I sighed. At the question, and at the thought of Dad. He had been the only ghost I ever wanted to see. And now I was pretty sure I would never see him again. I managed a weak smile in his honor as a Dad joke came to me. "I feel ... haunted," I said.
Doris winced, then laughed.
I gestured at the still open front door, waiting for me. I tried not to add the word "ominously." "Are you going to be OK if I go back inside?"
Doris squinted at the door. "I think it'll be OK. But probably more comfortable if I get into the rocket on my own this time.”
She disappeared, but I could feel her in the spaceship charm. I didn't exactly hear her say, First door to the left, and on until morning!
"God, I hope I'm not here until morning."
With that, I stepped through the front door again, into my mother's house. I could feel the tension from Doris, as well as my own, but we both survived.
The End of Heidi Sees - Series 1.
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